I have not heard from Ashley. Deep inside, I knew that I wouldn't. The prayers for her salvation and for our paths to cross continue to this day. Certainly, I am free to date whoever I can, and I do as the opportunities present themselves. But, that once pretty still beautiful R.N. continues to reside in my thoughts and is emblazoned in my heart. We never knew each other. We never dated. We met only once, and who knows if she even remembered me the following day? I trust that she received both packages, but did she? Does she have someone else? If so, is he aware of how blessed he is? Why do I still think about her so much? Some people would say I'm nuts, and maybe I am! But, I still care deeply for her soul; is that wrong? I'd still be honored beyond all earthly honors if she agreed to a date with me. Is that wrong? What I feel for her is difficult to describe, but it is something that I've never felt before in my life. Part of me wants to let go of her and forget her, but it's as if I'm not supposed to! I can't but help thinking that I am meant to keep praying for her and never totally let go of the hope that I'll see her again. The mature, adult male part of me, hardened by forty-some years of attending the School of Hard Knocks thinks this whole thing is lunacy. Conversely, the spirit inside of me who is youthful, vibrant, energetic, faithful, creative, romantic, hopeful, wistful, and blessed with an incredibly deep capacity to love--with which comes an imeasureably deep capacity to feel spiritual and emotional pain--the spirt inside of me who is blessed in ways that can only be spoken of in tongues because my human brain can't find the words in English--that huge part of me doesn't see the sense in tossing that R.N. into.."JAMES, DO YOU HEAR ME?!"

"Rick, is that you?" I asked as I was startled into the here and now. I looked around and didn't see my roomate, as in actuality he wasn't home. The voice was not his. The voice was commanding yet gentle, forceful yet smooth, powerful yet comforting. "I am He" the voice retorted with. It was then that an indescribable sense of peace, security, and warmth filled my body, and without a conscious thought I replied "Jesus!?"

"Yes, my son, you born of Clifford and Mary Alice. I was with you on that rainy day in July and have walked with you ever since. It was a great joy for me when you finally accepted my free gift of salvation in 1999. When I was on the cross, you were on my mind."

I was sure that I was sitting in my bedroom at my computer, but was I? I could barely speak but croaked out the words "have I died and gone to Heaven?" "No" the Alpha and Omega replied with a kindly chuckle in His voice. "You are still in the world and alive in your physical body." I started to glance around the room, but He, knowing my thoughts before I could verbalize them said "you are not permitted to see me until an appointed time. I am here in your room in spirit and will speak to you in a way that will seem audible but yet will only be through the Holy Spirit residing in you. You have many questions my son who I love, and I have some direct answers for you."

He continued to answer me before I could put questions into vocality. "Whether or not Ashley has accepted or will accept my gift will become clear to you at an appointed time. You know, James, that I created her and love her, and have put in her a heart with a deep capacity to love and a willingness to care for others. That is why she chose nursing as a career and that is why she is exemplary in her field. And, as you know, my son, a heart like hers that can so deeply love can so easily be broken--and it has been. Still, despite the heartaches she has been given to bear, her capacity to love has not been reduced. She is now cautious and does not trust so easily like she did in years past. If it is any comfort to you, my beloved son, she could trust you with her heart and her life if she so chose to."

My mouth began to form words, but an invisible force seemed to lock my jaw. Jesus continued speaking:

"But, when it comes to trust, James, your trust in me has been weak at times during recent months. Your faith in me is beyond all doubt, and your love for me is evident through your fruit, but your trust has not always been where I would like it to be. Yes, times have been very tough for you this year, but I have been refining you. You should know this and trust me always, not just 70 percent of the time."

"I will not forsake you or abandon you. Like Moses led my people Israel through the desert, I will lead you through it as well. You must trust me always. And, my beloved son, you must be careful to not conform to the ways of this fallen world."

"Your little daughter loves you in ways you can't comprehend. She needs you right now, James, and that is why I have slowed your progress on the album So Very Soon. You need to remain here for your little one for a season and at the time of my choosing you will be released to sing around this fallen world--unless I determine that the Fullness of the Gentiles has come in and I bring my church home with the trumpet and a shout from the heavens. I gave you the title and the song So Very Soon as a warning to some and as an encouragement to those of the faith. James, I am using you in ways that you don't see, and I long for you to open your eyes and rejoice at the small things that you do for me and because of me, because I am the GREAT I AM!"

It was at that moment that I felt His love and His disappointment, intersperced with His hope for me. He was right about my inconsistent trust and my inability to open my eyes and see what He does through me and rejoice in it. He hopes for much from me but expects nothing. He gave me free will. All I want to do with that free will is please Him!

"Your friend Rick, whom I love and have called to myself, needs you as well. So, I am slowing you down and holding you there. Mentor Rick and lead him. Watch over him and pray for him."

"James, always be humble, because you have touched many lives that you don't know. When you make the cashiers in Walmart laugh with your antics as you go through the checkout line, I laugh with them! When you pick up Rick's little children and swing them around while making funny noises, they laugh with great glee, and I laugh with them! When you listen to your friends complain about the doings in their lives and then offer them wise council, you know that it is I that imparts to you that wisdom and because you know, I am proud of you. When you cry because you miss living with your daughter, know that I am sad with you. But, don't I comfort you? Do I not hold you in my righteous right hand?"

"My son, people love you that you are not aware of. They love you because they see me through you. You touch people with your music, but you are unaware, my sleeper! But, I must remind you that you are a work in progress, James. Do not be puffed up or I will take it all away from you! Be ever humble and I will bless you ten-fold."

My Lord, my Savior, my God and my friend paused as if to let all that He was saying settle into my soul. It was then that I felt compelled to speak. It was then that my jaw cooperated!

"But what about Ashley" I asked Him.

He remained silent for a moment longer, but I knew He was ever-present. In the silence I was just a bit afraid of what He might say.

"I set up your meeting your Ashley, James. You were headed to Midstate Medical Center with Rick, but it was I who made him tell you to go to St. John's. Of course, I had to get you there just as she began her shift. Things would have been different if you were even five minutes later."

I could still speak, but it was difficult. "Why, Lord?" was all I could muster.

"The song" is what He responded with.

"Just the song?" was my weak reply. I was heartbroken.

James, I formed you in your mother's womb. I called you out for service to the Kingdom. I have blessed you with talents that many dream of having, but you are finally developing the wisdom and humility to handle this. Still, my thoughts and my ways are not yours."

"You have powerful feelings for the nurse Ashley. You have stood in the gap for her and you've been her advocate on this earth. I have heard your prayers on her behalf. Again, I will not reveal at this time how those prayers will be answered. I gave you a song about her. You have promoted it and there has been fruit, my son."

"A woman who is deeply faithful in me wept when she heard the song. She was touched by the expressive way you sing about the nurse that you are so taken with. This woman realizes that she can love again, because of the song. This woman prays for Ashley and for you. I am well pleased."

"A mother who lost a son to a tragic accident has a daugher named Ashley. This young Ashley came to faith in me at the funeral of her brother. The mother was touched by the song because it reminds her of the love that she has for her daughter Ashley and the happiness that her daughter's name is now written in the book of life. I am well pleased."

"There are more who have taken to your song about the nurse who I formed in her mother's womb and who I love. And, I love her mother and her Father. Yes, your song has had an impact that you can't see right now, and its greatest impact is yet to come."

It was love that kept me nailed to that cross, James. I love you and I love Ashley. My desire is for the both of you to be happy. I am love, James. There is no truer love than me. I am deep, abiding and unabating love. I am love that took nails for the sake of life and confessess love. I am your intercessor before the Father's throne. And, I see all, from beginning to end. I make all things new. Come now, James, this is nothing new to you!

"Keep praying for your Ashley, James. Don't forget about her yet. Remember, my beloved son, I work in mysterious ways."